It's past my bedtime.

i want to do so many things, travel around the world, explore life, explore hapiness as well as the hate, jealousy, sadness and everything that comes with achieving it, learn so many things, meet people from all over, have fun, get drunk with all my friends and not care that my boyfriend doesn't like it when i'm drunk because i smell of alcohol, do odd jobs, run through marigold fields, make a difference and take in everything else the world has to offer.

and here i am, at 2 am, sitting in my living room, dreading the day ahead of me because right now, i hate almost everything that i'm doing with my life. right now, it seems like i'm just wasting my life away and before i know it, it will all just pass by.

and then again, what can i do? i'll finish up school, save up enough money (if ever enough has a meaning) and do what i love. i want to be that lucky few who actually do what they love and fall in love and stay in love forever and till the end of time and grow old with someone and still hold hands when we're 99. i want to get to know everything. i want to be a living encyclopedia and exchange conversations with my gossip partner nizzie in Italy and then we're off to Prague or maybe Croatia because football player no. 10 is so hot.

i want to live in a cottage house or perhaps by the beach and look out into the window and know that all the things i've done in my life were worthwhile.

unfortunately, the singapore government forbids us from living our dreams with petty excuses like ns and "if you don't get a degree you shall die of poverty" or something of that sort so that they can make more money out of us. yeah, its safe here and i appreciate all that they've done for the country & that we are no longer 3rd-world, but i've seen so many unhappy people on the streets lately, its depressing. you see, i'm not so much of a patriot and i wasn't born instilled with those values. especially with the increasing number or gantrees and well, expensive everything. i'd rather grow poor in london.
an italian exchange student came to singapore recently and was shocked at the amount of time we take to study. its not like that at all from where they come from. and, they have 4 hour lunch breaks, for everyone. boohoo. so i guess you could see it from my point of view why i feel that it's quite a shitty situation. i don't want to live unhappy. study and then get a job i don't really fancy and spend my life making money on partial behalf of the government. i want to live.

i want to be somebody. do you?

so meanwhile, it's back to reality.
i hope i dream a kick-ass dream.